I am a strong and successful woman. I am a homeowner who loves to cook and entertain. I am well-loved by family and friends alike. I am a follower of Christ. I am 35 and single.
And sometimes that last one defines me…painfully.
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, I am wholly aware of how awesome life is. The Lord has blessed me and puts wonderful reminders in my life on a daily basis.
And yet…and yet…
Not long ago, I came to a realization about how I viewed God. My pastor led the congregation through an exercise to show how Christians can all worship the same Lord, but view Him differently. In that moment, I had an “ah ha” that rattled my cage.
As youngsters, we’re taught that every cause has an effect. As Christians we’re taught that if we “delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart (Ps 37:4).” Sadly, this has left an indelible mark on my heart that has led me to twist the Word of God into thinking that He has been punishing me for something and has withheld the deepest desire of my heart. The effect was singleness, but the cause was still unknown to me.
And I know…I KNOW…that God doesn’t work this way. I know He does not look down on me and say “JJ, you’ve lived a good life, but just aren’t quite good enough, yet.” I know He loves me in spite of my sin, confusion, and lack of trust. I also know that He doesn’t want to withhold joy from me.
Many other single gals may feel this way, and they may have other hang-ups that are just as painful as mine. But here’s where I take hope:
I FIRMLY believe that the desire to be a wife and mother does not exist in my heart without a purpose. I believe that the Lord has placed those deep desires inside of me and that He would not play games with my heart and soul. He does not make mistakes.
Therefore, I hold onto that hope and know that while His timing may not be my favorite thing in the world right now, I can have patience because I know that He loves me and wants me to have the desires of my heart.