Made

Prior to our son's Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis, I was in a constant sea of frustration. I could not understand his inability to be part of the group in any social situation.

After the diagnosis, there was a sense of relief in at least we knew WHY he didn't interact with other children at birthday parties, the park, and play dates. I finally knew why he picked up leaves in the school courtyard while waiting for preschool to start instead of playing tag with the other boys and girls.And while my heart was initially heartbroken over his lack of ability to coordinate play with others, at least we had an answer.

I have come to value how God has created Luke; diagnosis and all.Instead of seeing his time by himself, as I would if I were in his shoes, as loneliness, I now admire his freedom. He does not care what other's think. He does not cave into pressure from peers, and he is more sure of who he is and what he likes more than any other nine year old that I've ever known.

But there are times when insecurity about his atypical behavior gets the best of me. There are times when I try to change him to make him more like his typical peers.

However, God always is there to remind me that Luke does not need to be changed. Luke is Luke. He was made by a God who is bigger than Asperger's Syndrome.

We joined close friends of ours at the beach last weekend. While all the other kids immediately conjured up ideas of grand sand castles and set to work, Luke struggled.

He wanted to go home.

He didn't want to get wet.

He refused to wear his swim trunks.

He declared he was "bored" multiple times to the point that I began to threaten consequences.

But in typical Luke form, he just needed to adjust.I should know that by now. And once he did, he spent his afternoon on a quest for sand dollars.

Photobucket


I watched him investigate the grains of sand as he looked for that perfect prize while the salt water washed over his feet and my heart swelled with contentment.

null


He is exactly the Luke God made him to be.


null


I could not be more grateful. I would not want him to be any other way than fearfully and wonderfully made by the One who loves Luke more than I can comprehend.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderful made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14


20 comments:

  1. Absolutely beautiful! He is teaching you more than you realize isn't he?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More than you know! I am very humbled by being his mom.

      Delete
  2. Praise the Lord for Luke! Thank you for sharing your story, Psalm 139 is my FAVORITE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is one of very favorites, too. Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  3. Absolutely my view on both my AS boys. I love their amazing minds and their unique perspectives. Though it is hard to watch them struggle in a world that's not as inclusive of nuero differences as we'd like, I love how you are rejoicing in Luke's unique giftings. Lovely post, friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Betsi, you get it. I know you do. It has been such a process for me. I have been slow to adjust, but every second of the learning has changed my heart deeply.

      Delete
  4. thank you for sharing this! my son was recently diagnosed with pdd-nos. i trust God in His faithfulness and His design. but still feel very alone in figuring it all out Biblically.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Julia, I still feel very alone often. Even though I have grown and changed my perspective on my son's diagnosis, I am still challenged daily. If you ever need to vent or run questions by someone, feel free to email me:katie@spenceraudio.com.

      Delete
  5. It is the most peace-giving truth: that we are uniquely created and made in his sovereignty. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are starting through a very difficult time with my oldest-not diagnosed, but he is just a shy, worried introvert. He hates change, and we're about to throw a lot his way. Thank you for this reminder today. My Eli is exactly the Eli God made him to be. I need to remember that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sara,
      Yes, our kiddos are so unique, aren't they? You sound like such a sensitive mom who knows his needs well. Isn't it even better that we serve a God who knows all of our needs much greater?! I'm praying for your Eli and for a smooth transition with the upcoming changes in his life.
      Hugs to you!
      Katie

      Delete
  7. oh, i just love this.
    God knew exactly how we would be before we were even born.
    He has everything under control all.the.time.
    what a glorious blessing and comfort!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All the time...so true! And yet, I forget that so often and try to labor life's troubles on my own. Great reminder!

      Delete
  8. How amazing! We can all learn from this...learn to understand who our children are and appreciate and respect them for that.
    He sounds amazing to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Susan. I love that you know him since we've been blogging friends for awhile. I keep learning from him all the time.

      Delete
  9. You hit the nail on the head, Katie. I worry about "loneliness" too, for my little guy. I wonder if he ever feels lonely or if I just feel lonely for him. At any rate, Nolan is made just as God intended him to be...as are all of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to try hard to stop seeing things from my perspective. I can't weigh Luke's happiness through my own life experiences. It is a struggle, but I'm trying. : ) I know you understand that. XOXO

      Delete
  10. oh katie, you got me all teary eyed! you are such a wonderful mother. just beautiful. i bet he is one wonderful little guy :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. He is a wonderful guy. I am so thankful for him and for you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete