All You Need

Every 6 months, this lovely arrives in the mail


It makes my heart sink and I stop breathing for a few seconds. It somehow seems impossible that one single envelope can bring me back to such a dark place in an instant.

But, it does.

It has been almost 4 years since Kevin was diagnosed with stage 3 metastatic melanoma.



In a nutshell, melanoma is an aggressive cancer. Once it spreads (metastatic), it is not good.



Now Kevin gets blood work, scans, and body checks every 6 months to check for recurrence. It rocks my world every time.

I went for a run after receiving the envelope and I was fervently praying for God to continue to keep cancer out of our lives. I prayed for Kevin to stay cancer free indefinitely. I pleaded with God to not let cancer take years away from my boys having a father.

Questions raced through my mind as I lifted my worst case scenario thoughts up to God. 

Will Luke know that his dad is artistic like him?


Will Charlie remember their equally matched "fun" gene.


Will Jack know that Daddy was his first music teacher?






Will he live long enough for our 3 boys to truly remember the details about him? I don't want their only memories to be from viewing photographs from their early years.



 However, as soon as those thoughts surfaced, He gently corrected my thought process.

"Your children will always have a Father. They will always will have Me."



I will admit that I wrestled with God as this conviction pierced my heart.

"Yes Lord, I don't mean to replace your importance in their lives, but please don't take away their earthly father." In my head I was spinning the emotional damage of my boys growing up without Kevin. Cancer has a habit of bringing you to crazy emotional places.

"I am all they need. I am all Kevin needs. I am all you need."

It wasn't that God wasn't interested in my prayer for continued healing, it is just that in the process of listening to my requests, He provided the all too true reminder that He is all we need.

In any circumstance.

Within a few days, I was reading a magazine and came across a story of two women who had been friends since childhood. About midway through the story, one of the women was diagnosed with melanoma. She was treated and given a good prognosis since it had not spread. However, 8 years later, it recurred like melanoma is so well known for. It killed her within months. She left behind 2 young children and a husband.

I quietly sobbed on the sofa as everyone else in our home was sleeping. I cried because I hate cancer. I hate the fear that it has put in my heart, and I hate the threat it poses to my husband, Kevin and to our boys. I fear what will happen to our boys if they don't grow up with their father in their lives. Although I truthfully have not struggled with a "why us" mentality, I had a definite "why us" moment.

Once again, in His gentle way, He whispered to my heart, "I am all you need."

I AM ALL YOU NEED.




16 comments:

  1. i pray that you would have power to GRASP that He is ALL YOU NEED. i pray that He would remind you again and again and again that He is God there is no other He is God there is none like Him and HE authors our lives, not cancer. He is God. HE IS GOD! and i pray that you have an extra dose...HEAP of peace and blessed assurance in Him.

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  2. I have been seeing these aggressive cancers in people who are way too young a lot lately in my job and wondering "why is this happening?" It makes me so sad to provide nursing care for these broken bodies that have every right to be healthy and happy and strong. Your peaceful perspective as a family member going through this is really encouraging. He IS all we need. All the time. He's telling me to have faith in him in these moments of doubt. Nothing makes me doubt like witnessing the suffering of others and yet he whispers to me in my quiet moments that I don't have to understand, I just have to believe. He knows what he's doing with the seriously ill as much as he knew what He doing by directing me to this profession. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  3. Katie this was such a powerful post. I can't even imagine my husband being taken away from me, whatever the circumstance. Right now however, we are struggling with cancer taking away my grandpa- and yes he's lived a long life and is going to be going home to Jesus, but still hard. I pray for your family and situation. Thank you for sharing this!

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  4. It is only by God's grace that we are able to trust that He is all we need. We in and of ourselves can only fear, worry and doubt. It is my prayer for you and your family that God will continue to pour His grace upon you, allowing the truth of His sustaining power to to permeate your lives each day. You are loved!

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  5. This struggle you are going through is indeed a really, really tough one! I cannot even imagine! Thank God that He is speaking so clearly to you, reminding you to lean on Him.

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  6. It's incredible what God can use for our good when there is suffering. Look at what He showed you and spoke to you, that is beautiful! thank you for sharing this with us, and I am so sorry for the suffering of your husband and your whole family, must have really taken it's toll.

    Blessings!

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  7. You and your family are in my prayers, Katie. I'm so sorry your have to go through this, but believing for healing.

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  8. such a lovely truth filled reminder. our family experienced a miscarriage a couple yrs ago...and as i sobbed the loss of our little one; i gently kept hearing His voice in my ear "i am good. *you* don't have to walk through this. *I* am your Shepherd. *I* will carry you. i am good. i have good plans for you".
    May His Peace rest on you. May His truth FILL you daily.
    www.twogreenolivetrees.blogspot.com

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  9. such a great post Katie!!
    your raw honesty is why I adore you.
    He is all we need, but it's so good to be reminded.
    sending love and prayers to you friend.

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  10. Thank you for sharing your journey, Katie...I'm praying for you and your sweet family.

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  11. Wow Katie! Spoken from the heart & living it each day. Beautiful reminder in all our trials...we think we need so much, but we truly just need Him. Love this!

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  12. I cannot imagine. Yes, He is all that we need. May He draw close to you!

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  13. Wow Katie. This is such an amazing and heartfelt post. Not that all of your posts are not but this one comes from a ridiculously personal place and I love it.
    Praying for you and for your sweet husband. I can't imagine what you have gone through.

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  14. May God bless your family with His strength, and of course, we pray for healing. I had thyroid cancer. It is in check, but it gives me a new out look on life.
    thankful for each day,
    teresa
    http://teresarieke.blogspot.com

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  15. Katie,

    Thanks for sharing. Fears are very real. God is so good.

    Joy

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  16. Isn't it so sad how our fears are able to rob us of our joy? I fight this battle, too. Mine involves one tiny baby that had heart surgery last summer at just 6 weeks old, and another brand new baby growing inside of me now. I fear walking through those long days of testing, I fear handing another baby over to a nurse who will take him/her into the surgical area, I fear the experience of having all that fear itself...but you've reminded me to choose joy...to celebrate this new life the Lord has given our family, (even before my son will turn 1!), and I choose to allow our God to be enough. I appreciate your willingness to share your story. It impacted me this evening. Bless you and your family as you walk through whatever it is the Lord has planned for your lives.

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