"I'm Losing My Mind" Kind of Day- Guest Post


The other night I sat upright in Luke's bed.
  His three-year-old body had ran, jumped, sprinted, hopped, danced, giggled, wiggled, peed, pooped, ate, drank, sang, three-wheeled, squealed, swung, slid, not napped and disobeyed for nearly thirteen hours.  And he was still going.
I was so tired.  Oh my word.
My husband was working late and it had been an "I'm about to lose my mind" kind of day.
It isn't every day I feel as if I have "three boys." But this day...I had three boys.
{Picture here}
Three busy and boisterous boys.
I lay against Luke's head board, propped up against a patchwork pillow sham, the book, "Are You My Mother" laying against my chest, Luke jumping on the bed, my eyes closed.
"Lord, I just have to confess.  I didn't really like my kids today.  I love them.  I would do anything for them.  But right now, in this moment, I must say didn't like them.  I feel as if I have been beaten up.  Resisted.  Rejected all day long.  I am restless.  I just didn't like being a mommy today."
I hated that prayer.  But if we are to come to the Lord with everything...I can't deny this one.  Overcome with guilt I lay there, head back and eyes still closed, convincing myself that I am all alone in this honest prayer.
Faces of other mommies started coming to mind...moms whom I admire.  Mothers to whom I hope my parenting would liken.  They never feel this way,  I thought.   Chances are high they are working puzzles and baking cookies right now.  And here I am.  Beating my head against a pillow sham. Sulking in fatigue and frustration.
After two Dr. Seuss books, one I Spy and a Bible story, Luke had given it up.  My baby boy tuckered.  His breathing soft.  I stared at his face for a long time before turning out the light.
But when [Jesus] saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered.  Matthew 9:36
I can only imagine how Jesus sees me.  His little girl.  Busy and boisterous. A sometimes resistant and restless daughter.  But He has yet to throw me out with the bath water.  No.  He doesn't toss back His head back in frustration.  He never complains.  Instead...He has compassion.
Compassion for the weary.
Compassion for the scattered.
Compassion for the resistant.
Compassion for the restless.
Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us. Ephesians 5:1, 2
Since my honest prayer, I have talked to several moms about this "not liking my kids" moment.  One mommy, in particular, was one I pictured baking cookies and working puzzles....but you know what?  She sometimes feels crazy like me, too.
Praise the Lord, I'm not alone.  You aren't either.
It is time to stop condemning myself for being the “worst mom ever” and start remembering the mercy that will be new tomorrow.  I need to start remembering that I am not alone in my "losing my mind" kind of days.  And I most definitely need to remember that my Heavenly Daddy is one of the greatest compassion.
I want my parenting to liken Him.
Lord, let me be an imitator of Your compassion.  Let me parent in Your power and in Your strength today.  Thank You that I can bring my rawest emotions to You and You aren't scared or offended.  Thank You for meeting me right where I am.  And that You have COMPASSION on me.  Amazing.  Thank You for being, most literally, the best Daddy in the world.  I am a thankful daughter. Amen.

Becky Crenshaw is out guest blogger today.  She can be found at The Word of God and a Cup of Joe.

20 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. Thank you Becky. It's so nice to share these moments because we all have them and they are much easier to bear when we know we are walking through them with our sisters.
    Thank you for the reminder that God is with us when we weary in mothering.
    Love from,
    Greta

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  3. So happy to hear I'm not the only one! Love this post! Thanks for sharing!

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  4. I love this post! Jesus just whispered words to me through this post! Glad to see I am not the only one! In fact, as I read this I am hiding from my kids... I figure I have about 5 seconds until someone needs something :-) Thank you so much for sharing. You are awesome!

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  5. What a great post. Beautifully written and a heartfelt message.

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

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  6. God bless you for sharing this. I was in the EXACT same place this weekend with my 3 year old daughter. "Will it ever end?" "I'm not good at this." I felt trapped and one-dimensional. Thank you so much for these encouraging words. God spoke to me through your words and reflection.

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    1. "I felt trapped and one-dimensional." That is a great way to explain it! Thanks Teresa!

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  7. I completely commiserate with those "I love my children but I don't really like them right now" thoughts. My husband travels frequently and I have a 5 year old with autism and an almost 3 year old who is basically just a ball of energy / wild child. Compassion is so key as a mommy. I pray (but not often enough) "Lord, help me love them with Your love, help me nurture them with Your hands, help me speak to them with Your words." He never fails!

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  8. 3 boys! you are an inspiration!! you are amazing! xx Elly @ jazzlipsandtulips

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    1. You are so precious, Eloise. They are sweet little things. Very ROWDY ;) but VERY sweet.

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  9. This really resonated with my heart this morning. Thank you for being so candid. I think that sometimes in blogland there is a tendency to look at everyone's beautiful photographs and forget that life (and motherhood) is very often messy - and to be ok with that.

    It's so nice to meet you.

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    1. Mmm. So true. We tend to post our "best" on blogs and Facebook. I will be one to admit that I am a bit hot mess most days....Bless God, however, that He uses me still...hot mess or not. xoxo

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  10. Thank you for your transparency and willingness to share with us all. The timing couldn't have been better as I sat down to read just after putting my 3 year old (in 2 weeks) to bed, after he has called me back 3 times!
    ~Melissa @ Midwest Magnolia

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  11. Oh my stars, God's timing is perfect, isn't it? I just finished an exhausting day with my littles (2, 3 and 4) and my husband worked late as well. When he walked in, the first thing I told him was, "I'm so tired of this day." Haha! It's great to know I'm not alone.

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  12. I don't think anyone can truly understand someone with 3 boys who doesn't have 3 boys themselves. I had my 3 boys in exactly 3 years and 2 months and now they are 11,12,and 14. You just described my everyday scenario from when they were young. I must say, however, that things don't necessarily get easier, they just get different. Still have those "I don't like my kids" moments (ok, let's be completely honest and say they are "I hate my kids' behavior" moments), but it's all just still a constant reminder of God's goodness and grace and mercy in our lives as parents. Their ultimate outcome depends solely on HIM, praise the Lord, and not how awesome or how much of a loser we are as parents!!! I have also learned just how much God wants to teach me about myself through my kids (YUCK! not pretty). God had a sense of humor and gave me a lil' gal to follow up all those crazy, wild, energetic boys. Just love them through the craziness, Becky!

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  13. I have to admit I feel this way more often than not! I have 3 boys (a Luke, too!) and I have to dig deep and pray to keep it cool here. : )

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