When Affective Is Greater Than Effective

“Why doesn’t love feel like it once did?”

We had not been arguing.
We had not been treating one another unkindly.
We had not been acting selfishly.

We had simply not been in pursuit of one another.

The reasons and excuses were abundant:

We are deep in the throes of raising five little boys.
We’ve been involved in young ministries that have required energy and time.
We assume we know all there is to know.
We think we’re doing fine the way we are.

I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.
Revelation 2:2-4

An effective, well-running marriage routine is not a suitable stand in for tender love; neither is sound theology a replacement for deep devotion.

Have we found ourselves in a sea of excuses in our love for Christ:

We are overwhelmed in the challenges of the life He's given.
We are far too busy serving to sit at His feet.
We act complacent, as though we've learned enough.
We think we're managing alright the way it is.

Could it be that we are simply not in pursuit of the beauty of Christ like He is our greatest treasure, our best friend, the Lover of our soul? Could it be that we are too busy working to be faithful to faithfully love the one we are working to serve.

The Preacher is clearing off the table and loading the dishwasher as we take time to entrust pictures of our day and the scaffolding of our thoughts with one another...we are seeking to keep ledgers and the secret passageways of the heart clear. I gaze at him and he looks taller somehow, more strong and trustworthy.  I'm peering into the heart of the man that puts one foot in front of the other. The routine never stops and the work never ends. Deeply unified…and I remember why.

I look to the quiet corner where I meet with Him, sometimes irregularly or without pursuit...and consider it anew: Oh how I LOVE Him. How wonderful, how worthy is the Lord Almighty! How I want to remember the Love which first pursued and saved me, to know more of Him, to be fully One with Him, . 

...the heart needs reminding that we were not made for effective worship, but affective worship. 


  1. wow....i needed to remember this today

  2. Beautiful and challenging words....

  3. ooo....this is poignant and powerful. YES!

  4. Thanks, ladies. I'm glad this post resonated with you!

  5. Really beautiful, true & powerful Ruth! I am sharing this.

    "An effective, well-running marriage routine is not a suitable stand in for tender love; neither is sound theology a replacement for deep devotion."
    Wow! Yes!!

    1. Erin, just saw this comment. Thank you for sharing! Blessings to you...

  6. So Beautifully written. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Daisy. Humbled and thankful to share Truth.