The Song My Husband Wrote for My Weary Soul

Sometimes the most beautiful things are found by sifting through the muck and mire of our life's story.

That's exactly how Job Song was crafted. As a 24 year old and 29 year old couple, we have been desperately grappling with a new journey of infertility. 

It's a road no one assumes they'll walk down. In our minds, the natural progression of life is high school graduation, college, wedding, babies. Sometimes in an alternative order, but all taking place none-the-less. 

I wasn't ready to deal with the chances of never being pregnant. I had dreamed of those moments since I was in high school. It was the one thing I remember vividly telling my friends over and over again, I can't wait to be pregnant and feel a life growing inside of me. It was weird, I admit. But true. 

Now, eight years, dozens of tests, and a diagnosis later, my heart smashes every 33 days at the reality that my story may never read, And she was with child. Day after day, week after week, I devoured God's words for some life-ring of hope and comfort. I needed my God to intervene in my life because I felt myself spiraling down a staircase of questions, doubts, and distrust. 

I was the church girl who had all the right answers and always loved God above all. I didn't doubt God. Never. Ever. Yet there I was, penning the words, Do you really see me where I'm at? Of all the things, you had to take this? I scribbled. 

For the first time in my life, I was doubting the goodness of my God. 
I was ashamed of that entry. I never wanted anyone to read it. It was ugly and ridden with guilt. How could I doubt what I'd known for so long to be true? 

Later that night, while I clung to my journal in one hand and my husband in the other, he asked gently, Can I read your journal? I need to know what's going on inside your head. I need to know how to help you. 

Sure, I answered. But it's not pretty. 

And it was from that moment in time that The Job Song was birthed. 
My husband put words and passion and music to what my soul was already crying out. He gave me a voice when mine was worn out. 

The Bible says, we are comforted by God so that we might comfort others and we are loved by God so that we might show His love to others. We can have a voice, when others have none. We have a pen or a paintbrush or passion, when others have none. 

Who, right now in your life, do you need to speak for? Write for? Sing for? Create for?
They need you to do it, and do it urgently.

"Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Encourage one another and build each other up." (Philippians 2:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:11)


11 comments:

  1. wow. i've had some thoughts tumbling around in my head over the last few days, and this put words to what i've been struggling to explain. devouring God's words, desperately searching for something to grab hold of... not quite disbelieving, but doubting, for the first time - does God really want good things for me? does he really love me? does he notice, does he care? i can't wait to listen to this song. "though he slay me, i will hope in him." thank you for these words, as i'm working on sifting through the wreckage of my life story right now, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my. This is amazing! Thank you so much for being such a beautiful vessel for Him! Beautiful. For you, I will come undone. (Tears streaming down my face right now).

    ReplyDelete
  3. My heart goes out to you. We struggled w/ infertility too and I understand how disappointing it is to not be pregnant each month. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. It did take us a couple of years of trying and some disappointment but we now have a 5YO and twin 14 month olds.

    ReplyDelete
  4. girl, this is beautiful. so is your heart. thanks for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 13 years of marriage before God blessed us through fostering and subsequent adoption of a daughter and a son. God kept turning me back to Him over and over and through my crying out to Him, he filled my heart. Though we do not know His ways, we can trust Him. Many trials and triumphs along the way. Your writing is beautiful and I know the pain your heart feels. Blessings to you~

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beautiful song !!! And I would say for sure the most beautiful worthy things come from trials and suffering, just look at Jesus' walk up Calvary.

    xo to you Julianna!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Lord led me to read this today. I too, am struggling with infertility and have been trying for 2.5 years. I am left doubting the goodness of the Lord if I am brutally honest. However, I have truly experienced peace that has surpassed all understanding and I am only looking to make it through this trial with HIS help day by day. I know he wants to refine me through this trial because he loves me so much he continues to pursue me.

    Thank you for your post. Thank you for your honesty.

    ReplyDelete
  8. this was amazing. God never fails to meet us right where we're at...even through a computer screen. thank you for using your pain & your voice to glorify God. this song is so beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  9. So incredible. My husband and I listened to it together. You guys are doing an amazing things with these lyrics! So many people need comfort in this way. Amazing that God has given you the strength to write about it.

    ReplyDelete