The Ugly Post - Guest Post

Have you ever had a season in your life that you look back to and you cringe.... ?

I do. 
That is why the title of this post is....."the ugly post"! 

I was bitter. I was angry. I was hurt. I was everything I am not. I only worried about myself & I was fiery and very, very, hurt. I have suffered with depression & it is hard, but a whole NEW battle ground. We are talking a whole new depth of evil. Bitterness crept in my soul & I began to not care..... 

I lost friendships. Friendships I cared SO MUCH about. I lost precious & valuable time just being bitter
People would ask me what was wrong.
I would just shake the question off. 
Because honestly, I didn't know what was going on....
Until one late night talk with my husband...
the man that helped me become US....
Prayed over me. 

In that moment, I saw myself in a field.... hurting people needing my help..... yet I couldn't get to them! I tried to reach out with my hands, but they couldn't grab my hands.... 

I looked down to see my hands filled with rocks. 

I couldn't reach out to them because I was holding on to something else. 

Bitterness. Hurt. Anger. Failure. 

Every rock in my hand could have a title on it.... the word I spoke in hatred, the gossip I spoke, the unbridled opinion......  my reckless thoughts....... 

I asked myself then.....
How long can I carry these rocks?

Looking back to that time, I still cringe. 
There are some friendships I feel that STILL need mending..... 
some opinions that need to be kept to themselves. 
A heart that is always needing some mending.
(I'm super sensitive) 

I've been praying John 15 over my life for a while now.
If you aren't familiar with that chapter...
let me help!

"I am the true vine, & my FATHER is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more..... 
REMAIN IN ME, & I will remain in YOU. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you REMAIN IN ME."

In this life... there are different seasons we go through....

 Are you in a pruning season? 

Are you in a planting season? 

Are you in a "I'm bringing in the harvest" season?

The Bible talks about this...
"Judge a person by their fruit."

My question for you readers today is simply this...
Are you holding out fruit for the needy?
Or rocks of bitterness?


  1. Wow Beka thank you for sharing your experience with bitterness.
    It makes me think of Hebrews 12:15 and how bitterness defiles us and those
    we are called to minister to. Learning about this myself! Cool picture he gave
    you as well with holding the rocks. I pray God uses you to help others who
    are struggling with bitterness.

  2. I loved this post, and can relate to it more than I especially like to admit. Praise God that we can find refuge, strength, conviction and grace from the one who LOVES us most. Keep pressing in and pressing on.